I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
