I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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