how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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