Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
