u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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