Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
