Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
