I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
