sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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