The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
