I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
