Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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