I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
