She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
