YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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