I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
