i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
