listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
