More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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