I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
