btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
