were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
