He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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