Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
