I forgot how hot balto sounded
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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