he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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