FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
