His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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