Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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