like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
