there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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