DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
