i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
there's paper in my vomit.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we're making bets on your personal life
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
