booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
