Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
