Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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