apparently the secret to your success is patron
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
