I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
