Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
the raccoons are back...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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