Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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