i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
