What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
