Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
