Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
