can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
