Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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