Soap is not a condiment
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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