I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
honey bunches of taint.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
PANTIES FOUND
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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