I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
