i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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