This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
