oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
