Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
