So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
