i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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