It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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