My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
