Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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