I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
