I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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