the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
