i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
