Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
