Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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