U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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