Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
