The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
