we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
