her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
