So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize