fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so let's talk penis.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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