Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
